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Undead Skeletons
by Thilo G. [Verified Purchaser] Date Added: 02/01/2012 11:56:16
This 14 mb big file consists of one page front cover, 1 page skeletons.

Tap-dancing, dual-wielding skeletons with antler-helmets. With metal face masks to cover their neon-yellow face-bones. Wouldn't want a disfiguring blow scratch the bones now, would we? We get 2 different models of skeletons: One dual-wielding falchion-like blades and 1 wielding 2 morning stars. The models have been mirrored in a vain attempt to conceal the crappy cheapness of offering only two models. Which look as if taken straight from one FMV-sequence of Ultima 7 or, even more fitting, Ultima 8. (how I hate this crapfest...)

Now if dual-wielding skeletons with antler-heads weren't bad enough, their stance will drive tears into the eyes of anyone who ever practiced any form of martial arts, especially with weapons. In fact, the one with these falchion-things could also be running towards you like a girl. And I don't mean that sexist, but rather as testament to how ridiculous they look. And the feet. The skeletal feet look just WRONG. I'm not a great artist. I can do better with CGI. And that's just plain wrong. While the morningstar-wielder made me reminiscent of a traumatic events in the past that involved parents dancing the duck-dance at a public dance recital, the falchion-wielders look like they are tap-dancing.

This pdf sucks. It's not as universe-ending bad as the installment of Ghouls, but it FAILS in every regard. The skeletons look hilarious and not frightening, their stances are less threatening than if they were standing and the neon-yellow glow of their bones make them look like they had a bunch of doped-up ravers for breakfast.

Steer clear of this abomination. 0 stars, unfortunately depicted as 1.

Endzeitgeist out.

Rating:
[1 of 5 Stars!]
Undead Skeletons
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Undead Ghouls
by Thilo G. [Verified Purchaser] Date Added: 01/27/2012 03:18:01
This is 1 page front cover, 1 page paper stands of ghouls.

Wow. My degree of nerdiness has officially reached a point, that surpasses even "has no life" and potentially devolves into absorbing the life of other people, only to come out with zero. Why? Because I'm typing this, but let me elaborate:

This pdf makes me reconsider my hobby, my life, everything - after having stared in the badly-made-cgi-faces that seem to come, quality-wise, straight from the age of Ultima 7's ending sequence, nothing will ever be the same. One model has been given different colors for convenience's sake, both male and female.

The blank faces, the arthritic pose that makes you want to help them rather than run away, the white, clinically clean finger-nails that fall so extremely flat of being believable claws make these creatures look like victims of an addiction to cosmetic surgery, which would also explain the female model's black eyes, which are absent from the male's, who instead sneers the quintessential constipated sneer of an undead whose gastric tract has seen no regular motion in weeks. Both his and her poses seem to suggest that they are trying to squeeze out something, but what? I have no clue.

I managed to skip a dead-fetus-joke there, mainly because I don't know whether these things ever had the ability to give birth, after all, regular races usually don't turn neon pink, garish orange, nickelodeon gack-green or blue like a smurf.

Smurf. That's it! These are undead ghoul SMURFS seen through the prism of a care-bears rainbow-ray: They don't want to eat your flesh, they only have problems with their bowel movements.

By the way, let's play the game "guess the color of their teeth"!
Pink is easy! (Hint: The male smokes!)
...
Male yellow, female white.
Orange? (The girl ate too many carrots...)
Yep, yellow.
Now it's getting interesting! Orange Male?
...
GREEN! Yep.
The green chick has white teeth, but what color has the green guy's gum?
....
Correct! Blue!
And our dear undead smurfs?
....
Female Blue, Male...PINK!

Because everyone knows that Ghouls aren't white, fleshy or even darkened, moldy and decayed, but rather constipated smurfs that put too much lipstick on/subsist on a diet of cosmetic products.

There you go. I just provided you with all fun, every tiny bit of utility that can be squeezed from this 14 megs-big turd of a file. You're welcome, only promise me one thing - stay away from the undead smurfs. On the other hand...perhaps this is a propaganda pamphlet of the cosmetic industry that subconsciously wants you to start using AND eating their products in order to sell more? I don't know, I don't care and I've devoted more time to writing this review than the creators to their file.
0 stars, unfortunately depicted as 1.
Endzeitgeist out.

Rating:
[1 of 5 Stars!]
Undead Ghouls
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Elf Monk (Male)
by Megan R. [Featured Reviewer] Date Added: 12/12/2011 04:40:33
I always thought that there was SOMETHING odd about some elves!

Ignore the product image here, the actual paper miniature is at least nominally male... although he has, shall we say, rather well-developed pecs. Or are they moobs?

The pose is dynamic, suitable for a martial artist, and he has appropriate attire in the shape of a loose smock and trousers, complete with a black belt and bare feet. Stance suggests he does karate, and you have the option of 'south paw' or right-fisted stances.

But be prepared for a fair few fights when the poor chap's masculinity is questioned... otherwise it's a nice figure for a pointy-eared martial artist character.

Rating:
[4 of 5 Stars!]
Elf Monk (Male)
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Human Paladin (Female)
by Megan R. [Featured Reviewer] Date Added: 11/22/2011 04:47:16
At last! A female character illustration or miniature who's actually wearing armour you could fight in!

Clad in a suit of full plate, the miniature comes in two poses - basically, she's either got her sword in her right hand or her left hand - this hand paper stand-up will suit anyone who has a female character who enjoys a good brawl and wants to come out unscathed. As a paladin, she has her holy symbol displayed on her chest - apparently she's a Christian - but the figure would do for any fighting class who wants to go into battle well-armoured.

A useful addition to the Clerics of the Midwest range, which is looking fair to providing at least something for all classes, races and genders in classic fantasy gaming.

Rating:
[4 of 5 Stars!]
Human Paladin (Female)
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The Untold Undead
by Timothy B. [Featured Reviewer] Date Added: 08/17/2010 23:20:25
Need an army of the Undead and need it now? Well fire up the printer and print these sheets out for paper minis of undead.

I will use these in my games.

Pros: Nice art, good variety in terms of races and gender.
Cons: The price is a bit steep for what you get. Granted you could print out hundreds of pages and that is cheaper than a dozen plastic minis.

Rating:
[4 of 5 Stars!]
The Untold Undead
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