Eclipse Phase itself is a culmination of dozens of science and science fiction ideas, pureed in a blender and served to you as one elegant yet dystopic universe. Stories like Jack's serve to illuminate a small part of that universe and he does well at it. He doesn't approach science fiction as a scientist or an engineer but as if its just there.
As such Jack's writing in this case can be a little technical if you aren't familiar with the materials already presented in EP or other works. Still, its not absolutely central to understanding the story if you miss a term or two.
Some minor complaints:
The material is obviously taken straight from the book it is going to be used in (which is fine because he is one of the writers and obviously has permission). Still it would be nice if it was ?typeset? as own story at some point. Also the very start of the story just feels off. The best line is the second. Lastly there were a few typos (buidling?).